I used to be fearful of losing a loved one. What I feared most was my reaction to that loss. Being an emotionally tribal person, relationships are important to me. Sometimes I have taken them for granted. Sometimes I have nurtured them too little. Ultimately, I care very deeply whether that love is expressed verbally, physically, or not. 

I have realized that my undefined Spleen holds on to things, including relationships, for longer than I should. I didn’t know how to say goodbye because I didn’t know how to let go while seeing the good in it. 

Until now. 

When my cat Venice died two years ago, I broke down. It took me a while to process her death and recover so that I could continue to live. [You can read the blog from that time HERE.] 

Because I didn’t handle it so well, I had been afraid of facing more death. I feared I wouldn’t know how to live.